I’ve noticed lately, that parents are more lenient with discipline. There’s more bribing and ignoring the problem, hoping the kid will grow out of it. Surely by age seven the tantrums will stop, right? I think not. And why would they? You’ve never corrected this behavior prior, why expect anything to be different. Besides, it’s easier to sit your child in front of the TV (like they want) than actually deal with a hyper and misbehaving kid. Maybe I am ‘old fashioned’ but what the heck happened to no TV, no PlayStation, no iPad or the good ole “you’re grounded”? Instead, kids are granted these things to calm them down?? Shouldn’t these items be a reward for good behavior verses something to distract the child for being disobedient?
I am not a mom, let me make this clear to you all out there. However, let me put this in prospective to justify a smidgen.
We, my husband and I, have four nieces and nine (yes nine) God-children. We spend time with them as much as possible, not just on birthdays, holidays are special events either. We are very much involved in all of their lives. So when people try to ‘con’ us with “you don’t understand, you’re not parents” give us a break. We are probably more involved with “our kids” than some of your friends are involved with your own. Do we raise them? No. But I promise, we are as much as a positive influence to them as you would want to be for your children. I am not saying that we have all the answers to raising children and what works best in disciplining a child. What I am saying is we get to see different forms of disciplinary actions from multiple friends and family members and we take notes…. lots of notes.
Recently, we dined out and were sat behind a woman and her children. Upon approaching the booth, there were Cheerios mashed into the carpet under the highchair and split milk everywhere that yes, was being cried over. Soon after ordering our drinks, we noticed that utensils were being substituted as paper air planes and napkins being used (then tossed on the ground) for ‘boogie noses’. Once their food got to the table, all hell broke loose. One of children started whaling because they did not want what was ordered. So naturally, the mom put the screaming child into her arms and up against her chest, whispering “shhhhhhh”.
Did I mention that her child’s head and alarming sounds was directed right at my ears? Ah yes, it was dinner at the opera.
The best part was when the other child threw an iPad at another table. The kicker to this was the mom did not say anything to the table at which it was thrown and the kid was not disciplined….. at all. As you can tell, this was an epic scene and to all of you reading, you missed out! Promptly after, the parent notices everyone is staring at her to either take her kids to the restroom or outside to get them settled. So instead of removing herself to clam the child elsewhere she sits there and negotiates with the child. Are you freaking kidding me??! I am sorry, but if mommy tells you to stop complaining and eat your darn mac and cheese, you do it!!! But does the mom stick to her guns? Nope, not even a little bit. Instead she makes a deal favoring the child’s request in one sentence: “If you take one bite of your mac and cheese I will get you cake and ice cream.”
Bravo, your child now has full control and you’re a door mat. And trust me, cake and ice cream is just the beginning.
Sadly I was raised in a decade of ‘entitled’ children. Friends of mine felt that what their parents had, they too should have. It was never “my parents” are well off, it was “we are well off”. Pretty sure my friend did nothing to contribute to her parent’s 4,500 square foot home other than choose paint colors for her room. Let’s just say she’s a hot mess and at the tender age thirty-something, still lives off her parents. She was one of those “mommy I want this” or “daddy get me this” types. And as you can see, that worked out great for her (insert sarcasm).
Parents work for 20 plus years to afford that brand new fully loaded Mercedes, but because you turn sixteen and riding the bus is beneath you, you feel entitled which means you must have a new Mercedes too.
I grew up in an extremely strict household, which meant no free time unless it was school related. Yes ma’am and no ma’am were to be used to ensure that we understood instructions and chores were to be completed before and after school. Grades were to not be less than a B average and at the age of sixteen I was to get a job, pay for my gas, clothes and any extras that I wanted but more or less, could afford on my hostess salary.
Growing up, this absolutely sucked and I hated having to use my own money to pay for things. Still to this day, I do not agree with everything my parents did but there are three things I did gain that I am grateful for: respect, responsibility and discipline. This is something that I see young professional-aged friends lacking. It’s sad really. How can you go through life feeling that because they have it, you should automatically have it? What happened with hard work and drive to do better and provide for your family?
Being around these “entitlements” made me realize something, they have made nothing for themselves. They rely on everyone else to take care of them and when they do not get what they want, behold- the tantrum. Granted the older the child gets, the more creative the tantrum becomes. Which can be entertaining. But what are parents doing to correct these behaviors? What happens when this perfect child enters the workforce and has to get coffee for the boss, when they don’t want to? I know what will happen, you’ll be paying their rent until the end of time. Discipline has to start early. I mean early. My sister for example, created these amazing habits for her daughter to follow. She’ll give you a kiss before she says “down please” and she knows how to put things up and clean after playing verses destroying her play room and ignoring instructions like “go put your toys up”. Every time my sister requests her daughter to contribute to household duties, no matter what Disney movie is on, her daughter will get up and help… with no tantrum. She’s at the tender age of two, and still practices what she was taught as an infant. It’s adorable to see her help her mommy but it’s also mommy helping her daughter for the future.
I am not always on board with spankings and honestly I have mixed emotions about it. Every child is different, so one strategy may not work for all of your kids. And what works for my sister may not be suited for another. There are many forms of teaching your child how to behave and counting backwards from three never seems to work. What still confuses me is when parents will yell at their kids from across the room about something they are doing wrong, yet never get up and out of their chair and deal with the situation. Consequences are tossed into the air but never followed through, kids soon pick up on this and exploit it.
Yelling does nothing but two things: either puts fear in a child or makes them mad. Both are not good. Why do you want your child to fear you, anyways? Yelling to scare your kid straight does nothing but create tension between you and the child. Your teaching them that yelling is okay when you’re upset and it’s a hair shy of instructing them how to be a bully to others.
And depending on the situation, it’s a form of verbal abuse. No one wants to be screamed at. No one. Points are never made and feelings get hurt. Again, these are notes I have taken unless someone can explain this one to me.
Bottom line, do not allow your kids to continue to use you as door mat or a lap dog. You’ll only make it worse on them. I promise. Discipline and structure works. Stop taking advantage of your parents and get out there and work! Stop having your parents take care of you and now your children. Be a good example for your children and set a good standard of living. Allow them to achieve goals on their own and award them by taking them to their favorite pizza joint. Don’t buy them a $400 purse or Rolex watch. Teach them how to respect others, the value of a dollar, how to be responsible and how to set life goals to get ahead in life. And most important, teach them how to love be happy.
I guarantee you, that entitled sixteen year old, I mentioned earlier, will start to cry, scream and shun the idea of driving a used Honda. And she’ll end up getting that brand new Mercedes. Why?!? Because she’s the one that got to eat her cake and ice cream too.
Friends without Kids 